...I just hate travelers: Passengers in the TSA Lines

One thing about the Philadelphia airport that sours me on traveling is going through the TSA security lines.  I have no problem with the scanning itself to make sure that we are secure for flight.  It’s both the security guards who stand at the entrance to the long queue shoot and, of course, my fellow passengers.

My first beef is with these security folks; I assume they are not an official part of the TSA due to their dress and lack of TSA accessories.  They seem to be airport-employed agents who obliviously tell you which line to get into: Expert, Casual or Family/Medical Liquids.  I’ve been cattle-shooted (or is it cattle-shot) into the Family line several times, and not because it’s empty.  Sometimes, it is the shortest line and I’m sent there to alleviate the back up.  However, it doesn’t actually speed my time through security.

What Kind of Traveler Are You? icons, images courtesy of TSA

This leads to my grievances with my fellow passengers.  Though I just mentioned being sent to the Family/Medical Liquids line, it doesn’t mean that I find those traveling with little children or have a lot of medicines to be the biggest offenders.  They just need more time and I understand that.  However, it perplexes me how many casual travelers or mislabeled experts don’t know how to go through the TSA lines.  These are the people who get under my skin.

While TSA procedures appear to change at whim, you can still prepare for the security lines.  When going through a full body scanner, you must have completely empty pockets – not a stitch of fabric or a scrap of paper.  So empty your pockets, period.  Prepare for going through a full body scanner even though you can have items in your pocket for a metal detector and it starts to make the process better.

An example of a full body scanner, image courtesy of Smarter Travel

I feel that if you can afford an airline ticket, then you can afford an internet connection.  If you have an internet connection, you have the means to google “what to and not to pack in carry on” and know ahead of time that sharp objects, some sports equipment (including baseball bats and spear guns), firearms, explosives, and flammable items are not allowed on planes.  I’ve traveled with colleagues – event planners – who have absentmindedly thrown screwdrivers, knifes and wrenches in their carry on bag.  They had to explain themselves to the TSA officials.  In most instances, they’ve lost their tools.  However, one determined person wasn’t going to let the TSA confiscate her husband’s favorite wrench that she borrowed without his knowledge.  She took her carry on back to the ticket counter and checked it.  While checking bags isn’t the goal of carry on luggage, sometimes, if I have the means to check, I do check my luggage. It does help that I’m silver on Continental (soon to be United solely).

Also if you can afford an airline ticket, I would assume that you can afford a TV and you have heard about 2006 transatlantic aircraft plot which changed traveling policy including the restriction of liquids to be carried on a plane from outside the “sterile” area.  The 3-1-1 rule limits each and every passenger to one quart-sized zip-top bag of liquid toiletries of no more than 3.4 ounces each.  You have to finish your soda, coffee or your expensive Starbucks trente iced sugar-high, caramel-packed latte-ccino, even if you only have a swallow left.  Those are the rules.  I’ve thrown out perfectly good unopened Fiji water bottles and Gatorade, as well.

A practical and comfy outfit (please note my sarcasm), image courtesy of Freakjet.com

As long as you’re not googling “what to and not to pack in carry on” and the 3-1-1 rule, don’t google “what to wear for TSA security line.” I am amazed by the outfits that I see, like the Juicy and Pink hoodies that barely cover anything, but need to be taking off for scanning, to the killer feet-tall laced-up boots that take a week to put on and off.  Men aren’t immune from wearing the wrong things; every piece of jewelry needs to be taken off your body.  While, gone are the days of dressing up for flying, people still need to dress appropriately for screening.  I try to make sure that I have slip on shoes, too, when I travel.  So skip the jewelry and keep your pockets empty. Wear a jacket that's easy to remove and put back on since that will have to go through the x-ray.  While you’re at it, make sure that your coat has ample pockets for stuffing with last minute items.  You can put your mobile phone in that pocket and run it through the x-ray machines without hassle.

As I continue my rant, everyone should learn how to pack. In addition to learning how to place items in a suitcase for the best protection of the items, everyone should learn to pack fewer items in a suitcase.  I do have a secret ire for those cute little old grandmas who stuff their luggage with lead and can’t actually move it.  I’ve hurt my back before helping these folks before.  The last time, I helped and got hurt, I quipped “What the hell do you have in there?”  She sassed me for cussing at her and then told me it was her oxygen.  I don’t know how she got it through.  No more helping little old ladies.  Yet, I ideally travel with two items; my carry on luggage and my messenger bag.  I stuff my carry on with my clothes and shoes and everything that I don’t need on the plane.  My messenger bag also holds my laptop and my toiletries (the two items that I need to remove for inspection for the TSA) and everything that I might want to access during my flight.

Storing bags in the overhead bin, image courtesy of Plane Sassy

However, getting ready for TSA screening should being before you leave your house in addition to packing right and dressing right. Before I leave my apartment, I put my keys in my messenger bag since I’m not going to need them until I return.  I also pack my loose change (if they are a bunch of quarters, if not, that can stay home), my watch, wallet (without my id) and other loose items in to my bag. I only keep my phone, my id, credit card and my boarding pass (if it’s not on my phone) in my pockets before security.  Plus, if I don’t really need my belt to hold up my pants, it’s in the bag, too. As I said before, this is the bag that holds my laptop and my toiletries, so I can get things in and out of it easily.

When it’s a good day at the Philadelphia airport, getting through airport security is a breeze.  It’s a well-oiled machine of people who know what to do and how to do it.  When it’s not, I’m cranky and I put hexes on everyone.  However, my sour mood is short lived if I have enough time to run over to Peet’s coffee on the terminal D&E connector and get a cup of joe.

A great cup of joe, image courtesy of Peet's

Thanks to Smarter Travel’s blog, Today in Travel, for the 10Tips for Sailing Through Airport Security, which reminded me of the bad TSA line behavior that I saw yesterday traveling to and from Rochester, NY.